(written: June 13, 2007)

I can feel my feet hitting the ground. It was a familiar feeling—I can smell the grass, feel the wind and almost touch the soil.  It was the best way to empty my mind. Although at that moment it wasn’t really empty and I wish it was. At that moment I wasn’t really running away and I wish I could.

How I wish I can empty my mind and just run away so I can rest even for a moment. I wish I could forget everything that happened in the last 72 hours. But I can only wish for the wind to blow my worries away. I wish I can just fall hard on the pavement and numb my senses so I wouldn’t need to go back to that moment, that moment when I wanted to leave—not to die but to be reborn again. I wanted to leave and come back fresh and happy to face the world again.

How can life be like this? How can it make you believe in hope and trust in people? How can it still make you believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel? How can you remain holding on when there’s just no sensible reason to stay. How can you feel brave inside but still feel defeated in the eyes of the world. How can I remain fighting when the battle seemed to be all over?

When will this tiresome journey end? When will I reach the end of the tunnel? I want to feel the light, hug the light and be the light. When will it finally happen? Do I have to run away just to find the answers? I wish not.

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