(written: Aug 11, 2009)

How do you know when to stop?

When you start to realize he is becoming a regular part of your world? When thinking of him becomes a habit or more so a necessity, like brushing your teeth or going to work?

When you suddenly feel that you are already building a relationship with him in your head-not the intimate relationship you wanted or hoped for but that relationship of someone hoping to have a real relationship with a person but just until the point of hoping and she knows it.

It’s crazy. This is crazy…to have this world within my world, to have to live in this world and to want to live in this world because there is no pain yet. It’s crazy to enjoy the moments even though you know you never wanted those moments to be between you and him, to be happy seeing that smile, even though you don’t want to keep it yours forever, and to feel ecstatic that he exists in a world near yours.

I know it’s crazy, but is it also wrong? How do I stop? How do I know when to stop?