(written: Jul 5, 2009)

Finally for the nth time you told yourself that this time it’s over. You won’t waste another minute of your time in this chase.  You must really be lonely, to keep falling into this mess. And keep feeling bad in the end.

I don’t want it this way. I don’t want it leaving me weak, cheated and my values and principles compromised. I am too good for this and maybe you are too. And we shouldn’t be in this situation. I know I shouldn’t be in this situation. I won’t hold on if this makes me happy only half of the time and confused, angry and lonely for the rest.

Maybe it’s unfair to put this all on you. For the most part I think this is my fault for making this a big deal on my part. It shouldn’t be. I keep thinking if I’m really this lonely for making a big deal out of something that could possibly be just a normal thing for you.

I feel silly and I don’t like it. I don’t believe that love is only for fools. It should also be glowing and magical even for people like us who chose to think straight and talk sense out of themselves.

They said if you’re still thinking then maybe it isn’t love yet. I sure hope so. I don’t want this to be one. I don’t want to know that something that I’ve been waiting for so long is not as wonderful as Wonderful.