(written: August 13, 2011)

I hope it was a choice and I had control when to start and when to stop. I have never been honest until this day when I finally felt the sadness I never knew I had.

It felt too much, to wish for this kind of love. It even felt ambitious, to find a perfect match. I feel like running lost in a stormy night, trying to survive when all I really wanted is to see the man of my dreams stand next to a light post, holding an umbrella.

I did not want to believe that this is the only thing that makes life complete. But when I reflected, this fallacy just became a realization. Coz whenever sadness grips me, love is the only cure I want.

There was a point when I prayed so hard. But I think He never believed me because deep inside I never believed as well that a dream as perfect as what I prayed for could come true.

Even today, I hesitated to pray for it. I did not think it’s fair to pray for it when I can pray for someone else’s dream to come true. I did not think of it as important. I shoved it in my thought because I felt that this love can always wait and will always be there.

But I am wrong. It can’t wait. Because the heart grows tired of waiting, love blurs out and emptiness takes away the life.

Dear God, help me find that one true love. Dear God, help me live each day as a step towards him so that I can find him. I don’t want to waste time alone anymore, when I can spend it with someone who can hold my hand forever.