(written: July 27, 2011)

I know I have been carrying this ball of darkness for some time but like the last 24 hours I had been awake, I always thought that light will eventually come, even if I don’t close my eyes.

It is certain. It is a fact. It’s just a matter of waiting for the sunrise.

Five, Ten, twenty…suns have risen. I have been thankful for each and every one of them. Not only because I lived to live another day but also because I gained more light to dispel the darkness in my soul.

Each day I open my eyes the darkness becomes clearer until it eventually became an inevitable part of my life, a constant agent to let me know I have reached a certain point I never dared to climb.

I didn’t want to live my life that way—being in a situation I did not choose, living a day with hope that tomorrow is something different, setting aside small chances of joy for survival, for practicality and letting this darkness eat me bit by bit.

I fear for my hopes, for my dreams, for the gentle, happy, endearing part of my soul that I cherish and care for. I did not want this darkness to grow, eventually become a monster and cease my opportunities to shine.

Help.
Help me close my eyes and see the light so tomorrow when the moment comes that I had to open them, there will only be clarity on the path that I need to take.

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