(written: August 09, 2006)

I thought we were free. I thought that we were bound to rule our lives. I thought that our lives were ours.  I thought that my life was mine. But it’s not.

I’ve been asking myself why living these past few days, weeks, months is becoming harder and harder for me.  The world is becoming more unfair and people are becoming more vicious and pretentious.  Clearly I underestimated the power of people who manipulate others—not because they are stronger or wiser but because others are weak and undoubting.

I used to think this world is a happy world. I used to think that as I grow older this world will become even more beautiful than it already is.

A few days ago I thought that these will all pass, that probably all these, are just results of uncommon hormones that make women weird every now and then. But today, everything else that I thought was and would be were erased from my mind. 

I don’t want to believe that this sad reality is true.