What the heck is happening to me? I don’t like this current obsession of thinking of you as a big part of my life. You are not. And if ever you will be, I should have known that a long time ago. You should have made that clear and I should have had the courage to ask you.

At some point, I knew that no one is moving in that direction, that’s why I had stopped or at least trying really hard to stop.

This is a challenge—overcoming what the heart feels and trying to control it with your mind. I did not want this confusion. I should not be confused when everything is clear black and white between the two of us even at the beginning.

Why do I think of this incessantly? It’s becoming irritating. It softens my heart but melts to a million little droplets of rain that brings coldness.

I hope this one doesn’t get counted on my list of should’ve, would’ve, could’ve.  I feel silly and sillier for each day that passes that I act this way.

Nobody wants to feel silly. Nobody wants to be rejected. Nobody wants to guess. If all these emanate from what I feel right now (whatever this is called) towards you then nothing of this is worth it.

I stand my ground. My belief will not be bended that only wonderful and incandescent smile every single day will let me know that all the prayers have been answered.