Hands trembling and heart beating fast—so this is how it feels to finally get the chance to dream, wish and pray for myself. Last year, I was in the same place with my family, wishing only for one thing—my sister’s success. And God was never deaf. He listened.

I can still remember how I tossed and turned inside the hotel room while waiting for the results. I was in Bacolod holding training for our team. I work at night so I had all the time in the world to monitor the results via the internet.

No one was really sure what time it will be posted so I tossed and turned and clicked the refresh button every 5 seconds. When I finally realized, I was being silly and nervous I decided to go out. It was hot so gelato was a perfect choice to cool off my nerves.

On my way to Café Bob’s, right when I was in front of Shell along Lacson Street, my phone rang. My sister’s name flashed in the Caller ID. I knew right then and there, God answered all our prayers.

I have always put my family as my priority. I thank God for answering all our prayers. If not, I will not be here. I will not have the courage to pray for what my heart desires. Now, I know. Now I feel, it is important and it is what I want for myself.

When I entered the church, I took a piece of paper and a pen near the altar. I only have 2 things in my mind. I pray for peace and happiness. But they are far too broad. I know God will always know the desires of our hearts but I should have the courage to tell him directly.

I needed peace. Because whether I admit it or not my work bothers me and affects how I live my life. I had too much disappointment, anger, frustrations and at some point I felt the situation was changing me for the worst. And I did not want to be the worst version of myself. I know what I wanted as answer at the moment, but I did not know what I needed. So that’s what I prayed for.

Dear God, let me be in a place where I can work, be happy, comfortable and financially stable. God, help me find the job that will let me come to work with a smile most of the days, the kind of work that will inspire me to become better and to continue dreaming, because I feel that not having these make me unhappy and angry at my present job. I know God doesn’t answer in an instant. He does not work like a genie because He came into our lives through our hearts and not through a bottle. So I prayed also for patience–that I might wait patiently for the job I needed and wanted at the same time and to help me become a better person while waiting.

God answered my prayer through an angel, an angel who from the very beginning I knew to be fit for a scientist or teacher rather than what I thought of her today. I poured my heart out to her and told her the truth—that I am tired, that I just want to go and move on. I’ve known her for a long time to know that she will have the answers and she can give me a plan. But what she told me was much unexpected.

“…when I feel that way, I pray,” she said.

I was touched. I never see her as a spiritual person but she opened my heart and my eyes to the perfect plan and answer. Since then, I pray every time I feel hate for someone or every time I feel hurt by people’s words and actions.

She also advised me to ask. Ask for what I want and demand for what I think I deserve. So I did. And things start moving on the right direction. As they did, I felt it was one of God’s answers to my prayers. I am thankful and still thankful—every minute, every day for feeling so much better and for having better control of my emotions. And the more thankful I am, the happier I become. Peace is within my heart every time I pray and I feel happy every time I choose the right path.

Peace and happiness—answered prayers.

But I knew I wanted and needed more. I have already previously denied myself of praying for this. I did not want to ask God for something I felt was so selfish. I thought God will be so busy answering other desperate soul’s prayers. But I trust in His powers. I trust in His understanding. I trust He will never let me down.

Dear God, I want to say it as simple as possible and as unassuming and demanding as possible. I was going around in circles I noticed. The truth is–I feel shy, I think to simply put it. But God, I wanted to pray for love, for the man who will love me and I will love back with all my heart and for all my life. I pray that You will let me meet him soon and if it will take a while please let my heart know that he is coming and he is looking for me and there is no reason to get tired or feel sad. I pray for a man that You will send—only the man to whom You will consent. You know me and You know who needs me and whom I need. I pray for a man with a kind heart, who adores and praises You, a man who can help me build the happy and comfortable family I dream of, a man who will love my family as much as a I love them, and whose family I will love the same way too, a man who will shower me with love, who will be the reason for my endless incandescent smile. Let he be someone who reads or pays interest to what interests me. Let he be a man with passion for something so he might have the intellect and passion to share with our future children. I pray for a man who will be a good father to my children and a deserving and faithful husband to me. I pray for a man who will respect me and I will respect in return.

Peace and happiness—answered prayers.

And now LOVE—work in progress. I know God is working on it. For some reason, I feel it in my bones that I need to wait for the right timing; I need to be ready for the answer coz maybe that’s the reason why I still haven’t met him—maybe I am not ready. So while waiting, I am using this time to make sure I am ready, to make sure that my heart is strong and in the right place.

These are all too long for the piece of paper I had that day. I was not able to write most of the specifics but I know and I feel that when I put the paper in the prayer box—it was a symbolic act of sending my letter to God. And I know He received it. I know He read it and helping me find the answers.

(I was never ritualistic like other Catholics. I often forget or miss the fundamentals but I never forger God. We all have unique kind of relationship with Him. And I feel like my relationship with him had gone better and getting stronger each day. Isn’t it amazing that while I am writing these, the song “Take me Out of the Dark is being sung on TV.)