I got myself a cup of coffee. While in the elevator I suddenly thought of you. I did not want to welcome it because I know when I start, I’ll find it hard to stop again. I have not been good at fighting or waiting…but you are just so good at hiding that I just got tired of playing the game.

In the past few weeks I’ve been waiting for you impatiently everyday like how I’ve waited for the elevator of this building–with urgency, with necessity, like life’s possibilities will only come true once the waiting stops. And isn’t that a little too desperate? I know it is for me. So don’t expect me to like myself in this state and don’t expect me to like you in this state.

If we keep on hiding from each other, then let’s accept the ending of something we can’t even start. If  we spend all our energies fighting feelings we think we should not say out loud, then probably we really shouldn’t. I’m tired. I believe I did my part. At least I can sleep tonight and tell myself, I did not fight my heart but at some point, I knew I had to save it.

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