Sometimes, we need a really huge brick to hit our heads to end our miserable misery. Thank you Joshua Harris for handing over one of the loveliest bricks that ever shook my head and brought me back to the real reality.

 First I want to say that I was not very perceptive of all the ideas in his first book (I Kissed Dating Goodbye) so I hesitated for years before I read this—the second book (Boy Meets Girl). Having read his first book during the time of my emerging feminist ideas, one can only expect a lot of arguments and resistance from my end. I even remember throwing out the book when he said women are tease and dressing inappropriately cause men to sin against God. And even today, it took a lot of thinking and rethinking to convince myself or half agree to some of his ideas.

 But most of them made sense in my current situation. It is a matter of putting things into perspective and looking at it from another point of view. They counseled me and have become the protector I needed when I admitted that I could not protect myself anymore. This book unfolded the phases I’ve been through and the acceptance of the sweet realization in the message.

She lifted her keys to the ignition, and then paused. There, alone in the silence, the emotions she had kept at bay during the day came rushing in. Tears welled up in her eyes. She leaned her forehead in the steering wheel and began to cry.

 “Why, Lord?” she whispered. “Why is this so hard? What am I supposed to do with these feelings? Take them away if they are not from You.”

 It hit me like a car crash. These are the same words I utter to God every day. And the more I turn the pages, the more I see myself in Shannon, in Joshua. I was so glad to know that someone else suffered involuntarily from these feelings or that my suffering was not a sign of weakness or foolishness but a sign of recklessly wanting something I could not even recognize.

I promised to wait. And I promised to wait patiently. But the first moment my heart recognized happiness, I’ve grown anxious of making it a part of my life. I was praying for it for so long that I imagined it to be His answer. Or maybe I wanted to force myself to believe even though my feelings inside caused too much confusion, pity, sadness and resentment.

Like Joshua, I went through the ‘I shouldn’t be distracted by this’ phase, then ‘I am distracted by this phase, and finally ‘I’m going to fight this’ phase. I spent an enormous amount of time writing stories about him and listening to songs that would sooth my heart, because I didn’t know any other way to fight, to forget or to heal. I was like a sleepless cat who couldn’t stand still. Who couldn’t decide if she really wanted to sleep and realize all of it was just a dream.

But I think when you’re tired and left with no answers, you start convincing yourself it was a dream. You stand tall and tell yourself you need to get over this phase and fight for sanity and regain wisdom because that is the only way to make all things right.

If all these feelings make me feel silly and reckless then I should turn away from them. Because I was assured by God and this book that the only way to fall is to fall with wisdom, with consciousness, with the heart and mind at one. I did not have to choose between them. I can think straight and still tolerate the beatings of my heart.

When I turned the last leaf of this book, I knew I’ve met the boy but I also knew I had to let go.

Because my heart and my whole life will only move forward with the Man—with a godly Man that God intended for me.

I am not sure when he will come, or if he knows I’m praying for him. But I do hope he’s praying for me too. I do hope to be in that restaurant one day, drinking coke while hearing you say these words.

I pray. I trust. I believe—that in God’s perfect time, every great thing will happen and our great love story will soon start.

I’ll end with my favorite quotes from the book mentioned in this book.

 “Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

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